WTF???!!!!!!

No. 1: Yesterday I saw a grown man having an intense conversation with a suit of armor. I was driving down Broadway. There's this antique shop that has had this piece of junk sitting out front for God knows how long. So, I'm driving home when I see this guy, how do I say this nicely?? Um, I don't think this man has a permanent address. Anyway, even from a block away, I can tell he's really fired up about something. I get closer and I see he's yelling at the suit of armor. "Probably talking to someone through the door," I think. Nope. The door was closed. Shop was not open. Homeboy was yelling at the suit of armor.

No. 2. Just five minutes ago, a teacher walked into the building where I work at a community college.
"Uh, someone had an accident in the elevator?"
"What kind of accident?" the receptionist replied.
"Number two."

After further inspection (not by me), indeed, a shit was taken inside an elevator. The latest report says it's still fuming.

The teacher walked into my boss' office, a mere three feet from where I type. After hearing this, my boss responded with, "is it big?" The teacher said, and I quote, "no. But there's a lot of fiber."