Thursday, May 15, 2008


These dudes are totally gonna fuck each other in the ass when the wedding's over.

California's Supreme Court overturned a ban on gay marriage. Although I have two feet firmly planted in the world of heterosexuality, I back this decision 100 percent.

So to all my gay friends, here's to never fucking another human being other than your spouse, holidays at the in-laws' house, having the blankets stolen from you at night every single time you get in bed, turning off football in favor of Home and Garden (wait, that might not apply to the gays), getting the stink eye when you come home smelling like one too many drinks and giving away half of everything you own once you get divorced.


On a related note, why is the gay marriage card pulled out every single fucking time there's an upcoming election? War in Iraq, potential war in Iran, global warming (which may or may not be real depending on who you talk to), gas prices that are getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous, an economy as blossoming as a tomato plant in the desert and the Lakers hopes to win the NBA championship, yet we're talking about the legality of two people who for the sake of this post we will assume are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together? How is this relevant to anyone outside of religious nutjobs and asshole politicians? Answer: It's not.

Once again the public is being force-fed two handfuls of shit we don't care about. At all. I swear, I can't stand politics. Scratch that, I can't stand politicians, their campaign managers, handlers, yes-men, speech writers, personal assistants, press agents, bus drivers and whoever else is wrapped up in that world.

NEWSFLASH TO PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TELL OTHERS WHAT TO DO: Leave us the fuck alone. Why don't all of you take a piece of land (I hear Florida is lovely this time of year) and set up camp there where you can bitch back and forth about nothing while the rest of us are working hard to create a decent living envrionment for ourselves.

Politicans fail to realize the old adage of how important the little things are. Getting trash (I mean that both literally and figuratively) off the streets, making sure citizens have proper health care, saying hi to strangers as they stroll the eveing streets with their dogs in hand, inviting a neighbor over for a beer and barbecue, treating all living things with respect and not cutting people off on the freeway...practice these things and we'll all see a difference that could never be accomplished by some rich asshole living in a mansion on a hill off our tax dollars.

Back to my original point...
Dudes, you wanna fuck other dudes, be my guest. Ladies, you wanna eat some carpet, it's all yours. I don't think I am speaking for myself when I say an overwhelming majority of level-headed straight people are in your corner. Just make sure you don't take that last slice of cold pizza in the fridge and everything should work out as well for you as it has for the straights. I mean, look how strong the sanctimony of marriage is holding up. Who wouldn't want that?

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