Monday, January 7, 2008


Tonight I watched part (and way too much) of both the Republican and Democratic debates in New Hampshire. Before I get too deep, a little background might be helpful. I've never voted. Never even registered. Not even for high school elections. I simply don't care enough or pretend to know enough about these people to give them my vote. That's throwing my vote away, which is what most people do and explains how most scumbags get elected. They pander to lowest common denominators and put more effort into name recognition than the issues. I've heard all about that "you can't complain if you don't vote" shit and those people are dead wrong. I didn't sign up for this system. It's been here long before I was and because I didn't agree to it, I don't think I should have to particiapte. The problem is, although I don't get involved, the actions of these immoral slime effect (or is it affect?) who I am and what I am allowed to do with my life. My philosophy has been the exact opposite of my detractors. By not voting, I have every right to criticize what goes down in Washington, Sacramento and Long Beach and anywhere else for that matter. It's their game, not mine. I'm just sitting back and watching the dust rise. If it were up to me, I would live in this country yet isolate myself from all responsibility and live according to my own rules. Kinda like what we do with the Indians. Oh wait...Now, on to the debates. So many things come to mind. For starters, why does anyone listen to a goddamn word spewing from a politcian's mouth? They can't give a simple "yes" or "no" answer, even when the question begins with, "Yes or no, do you think...?" Charles Gibson, fuck you, calling yourself a journalist. Now, I know that's what it says on my tax forms, but I don't cover the hard shit. You on the other hand, you have the obligation to stop these five-minute tangent-filled answers and tell them they didn't answer your question. Give each candidate the simplest questions possible so they can't get off topic. When they do, cut them off. Dangle that carrot in front of their noses. When the threat of their precious time is taken away, they'll behave, trust me. And what's with the canned answers? I really don't know the answer to this, but do the news organizations give the candidates the questions beforehand? Sure seems like it. As far as the Republicans go, anyone not named Ron Paul is destined to kill us all. I feel for the lil' guy, all Ross Perot-like, talking sense and eliciting no response. All these Ken Doll and Mr. Politican types are mad. They laughed at everything he said when he was THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING ONE MAKING ANY SENSE! If I voted, which I don't, I think I'd pop his Chad. Now to the Democats...While I think the term liberal is a fairly accurate description of who I am, I take offense when others assume that means I'm a Democrat. Again, by default, I'm nothing. Sure, tonight and most nights, the Democratic party speaks closer to my beliefs than its Bizarro, but that doesn't mean I'm on their side. They are still politicans and shouldn't be trusted. Here's what's always been my problem with the Democrats: Each of tonight's four candidates almost said the right thing, almost had the right idea, almost felt like they genuinely care. Almost. But these sheep pander to middle America (it must suck to live in a part of the country where your geographic description is a euphemism for slow, stupid and behind the times) in hopes of getting votes. Hey Democrats, that's not working for you. Here's some free advice. Instead of trying to seem like you're not that much different from your Republican counterparts, you should try to say the polar opposite of what they're about. Fuck religions nutjobs. I've always felt like what comes out of Democrats' mouths and what they feel in their guts are two separate things. By catering to conservative beliefs, they're really just watering down their product and helping Republicans seem stronger and more decisive. That being said, any of the four candidates seemed like they'd make a better president than anyone running with an "R" next to their name. Except Ron Paul. My money's on Richardson. While the other three are wasting time in pissing matches, he might get some real campaigning done. Hillary, oh how I wish you were your husband and he were you. If you'd come out and say, "Hey world, I'm running just because Bill can't. A vote for me is a vote for him because I'll just sign the checks. He'll do all the work. Ya know, like Bush," I might reconsider my non-voting stance. But you're not. As a guy without health insurance, I appreciate your efforts. What about everything else? Obama, I liked you better when you smoked. Made you seem like a real guy. Too real for the Midwest. I know, I know, gotta keep them happy, even though they can't get enough nicotine in their lungs. And don't point your fucking finger at me all the time. Take a page from Edwards' book and use the Bill Clinton thumbpoint. A note to my friends: Thumbpoint away, but I'll have one of my cats bite your finger if you wag it long enough.

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