FUCK YOU SEAL BEACH

I don't care what my well-to-do Long Beach friends say: The Seal Beach Target sucks. I'm perfectly fine with my weekly treks to the one on Bellflower, but for some, that store's not good enough. The problem with the Seal Beach Target is that it's in Seal Beach. I've lived in Long Beach a few years now and I've noticed people from this town frequent Seal Beach. Those who moved to Long Beach don't. I've been dragged to this Target two or three times and each time I go there I remember why I try not to make a habit of it. Seal Beach has two types of resident -- old and almost old. There are lots of bona fide, grade-A bluehair old people all over the place. I know about Leisure World, but can that little retirement community have that much pull in this town? Old people are slow, but that doesn't bother me. I'm slow too. Except today. We used our new coffeemaker to brew extra strength. Three cups later and I was feelin' it! Anyway, old folks, you're ok with me. It's the almost old who really suck. These people can be anywhere from their 30s on up. They act like they own the aisles and the air we breathe. It's all an act. The Seal Beach suburbanite puts on a show. Sure, they've got more money than I'll ever have, but still not nearly as much as say, Laguna or Newport Beach. Seal Beach residents want to act like they're knee-deep in the OC, but they ain't. They're more Long Beach than OC. They know this and it kills them. To compensate, everyone bleaches their hair, looks down on anyone who's not tan, drives an oversized vehicle, talks on their cell phone in the store and doesn't say sorry when it's their fault for running into your foot with a shopping cart. My blonde surfer dude cashier wouldn't look me in the eye. Fucker. He knew I was from Long Beach. I was pale, was wearing Dickies, didn't comb my hair and failed to take the lint roller to my cat-hair -filled black shirt. And for a supposed beach town, there sure isn't much, uh, sand, or water, in this city. If I lived on the water, I'd have a problem with the inland folks claiming to live in Seal "Beach." It's more Seal Asphalt. Just more posing and posturing for those who just miss being filthy rich by a few million dollars. Give me the student-heavy store on Bellflower any day. I like that store. The people watching's much better. There are always lots of college kids just staring at things. My guess as to why is one of three things. 1. They just moved away from home and have no idea what the difference between the eight shelves of laundry detergent is. I can't blame them. I still don't know the answer. OR 2. They're stoned. OR 3. They just moved away from home and have no idea what the difference between the eight shelves of laundry detergent is AND they're stoned. My money's on number three.

Listening to jazz radio. Sure sign I'm getting old. A lone trumpet player and a lone writer doing our respective things just slightly after midnight Saturday. And we're both happy and fine.