SUPERSAD

Finally caught Superbad last night. Not nearly as funny as everyone says it is. Knocked Up was much better. But maybe that has to do with the fact that I'm not a high school loser anymore. I mean, I was, just not anymore. The sissy guy who wouldn't fuck the drunk girl -- Holy shit, someone read my diary! The awkwardness of the party scene, hoping you'd get laid before graduation (I barely slid by on that one), not taking advantage of every hint a girl drops in front of you -- it's all me. The most agonizing one is the time this really cute blonde girl from a different high school told me she'd never kissed a boy before. We were sitting on a patch of grass at Wilson Park in Torrance. No one around for miles. I knew she was lying and that it was my opportunity, but I did nothing. Instead I offered some lame comeback. Needless to say, we never made out. Years later a friend ran into her and she told him all about how much she dug me. Story of my life. Maybe that's why it wasn't funny. Oh, no wait, that's not it. It just sucked. The movie should have been about the cops and McLovin. That's comedy. The rest is high school drama that anyone coulda done. Well, anyone who was lame in high school. I could write volumes of encyclopedias on all the missed opportunites I had between the ages of 15 and 19. In fact, for years I've had the idea of writing either a book, essay, poem, something called Girls I Shoulda Fucked. Unfortunately for me, that book is much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much longer than it's counterpart, Girls I Fucked. Maybe I'll start picking out one girl and blog about the experience. That should give me enough material to last me through the upcoming presidential election. I'm happy with where I'm at in life, but I woulda been more aggressive in my youth had I known I'd be kicking myself for all those missed hook-ups. Maybe next life.