LATE NIGHT CONVO ON THE FRONT PORCH or HAPPY EASTER YOU FOOLS!

Neighbor 1: "Hey, whaddya guys doing Sunday?"
Me: "Nothing."
Girlfriend: "Working."
Neighbor 2: "Nothing."
Neighbor 1: "We're cooking dinner. You should come by."
Me: "Ok. What's the occasion?"
Neighbor 1 (with a puzzled look on her face): "Uh, Easter."
Me: "Oh."
Neighbor 2 (to me): "You didn't know Sunday was Easter?"
Me (to neighbor 2): "I don't know what Easter is, let alone when it is."

And I really don't. What is Easter? Something about Jesus, I know that. Oh, and candy and eggs. That part I really dug as a kid. I suppose I stomach Easter more than Capitalistmas, er, Christmas, because the religious overtones seem to be minimal at best and there's no pressure to spend a bunch of money I don't have on shitty gifts people don't really want. I bet I'd changed my mind if I walked into a church today, but God knows I'm not doing that!

There are lots of things I don't know. Like how to pronounce the different between the thing a woman wears in her hair as a clip and those artsy-looking caps worn by the French, or whether or not the bright-color load goes warm or cold (I think it's warm?). Not knowing things, especially commonalities like the aforementioned, always gets me down. I don't like feeling stupid, but sometimes I do. The exception is religion. I LOVE not knowing anything about trivial religious holidays and little tidbits of info that the rest of the United States thinks I should know. Fuck that. My brain has room for only so much info. I've smoked lots of it away and God knows (I'm two for two with the God puns today!) there's no space left for anything that isn't going to better me.

The best part is when others think I am pretending to be ignorant to the ways of religion. I'm not. I know I've been told what Easter, Lent, Fat Tuesday, Christmas and all those other days mean, but I can't retain that info for more than two seconds. After that, it's gone because I know I'm wasting valuable real estate if I try to remember that sort of crap.

So enjoy Easter. Just don't try to lecture me on what it all means because, honestly, I don't really care.