Thursday, February 7, 2008
KOLN JOURNAL ENTRY
Things I saw on my solo walk through Koln tonight.
A drunk teenage girl ringing the buzzer of every apartment she passed. A drunk teenage boy dressed as a construction worker waiving to people from the steel bar that connects two trains. A lot of people dancing. Teens drinking. College kids hooking up. Lots of falafel/doner joints. Guys pissing against a church wall. Teens getting tossed around on a ride that I was have gone on if I was younger. A neon sign 30 feet tall of a man drinking a beer and having it fill his body. The Detroit Pistons beating the Dallas Mavericks on a tv set facing the sidewalk in an American bar. All the other sets were turned to soccer, which would never happen at an authentic American bar. A drunk teenage girl smash a bottle. Three guys banging drums in unison. Lots of strange looks. Really great furniture stores.
Tomorrow it's back to Garmisch for our two final days of the trip. It's winding down. Not sure if that's good or bad. Taylor's gf asked if I missed home. I said I wasn't sure. Some things I miss, but I'm not necessarily dying to go home either. A huge part of me wants to be totally irrational and irresponsible and go back to Venice, get lost and never return home. But I know I can't. I'd never go through with it, which is why it hurts me as much as it does.
This trip taught me that I need to get out more, especially solo. It's time to live. I need to find a better balance. Thank God Europe is far away and expensive to get to or I'd be in a bind. I've been stagnant for too long. This trip showed me that. I'm serious about traveling. I've been more inspired than ever before. Every moment is an adrenaline rush down a fast-paced roller coaster. There's no time to stop or get off. You gotta keep moving or get squashed. But I miss my bed and my cats and my shower and my gf.
Last night I was lonely and wanted to go home. Tonight I want to stay in Europe. This exemplifies who I am: A man of contradictions. I knew it before, but not like I know it now. How does going overseas and seeing new things, lands, people, cultures, food change a person? I've been all over the US and never felt like this. I'll never be happy. The grass will ALWAYS be greener on the other side. Whatever I'm doing, I want the opposite. I want stability and insecurity. How selfish is that? There's a fire up my ass. Time to get moving. It's been a pretty tame life so far. Excitement is needed. Perhaps I feel like I need to touch the stove to make sure it's hot. Crazy, I know. But true.