Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Roger Clemens took steroids. Or maybe he didn't. Like the title suggests, who cares what this guy, or any other athlete, did? Not me. Tax season is around the corner and I can guarantee I'll be paying out the ass this year. I've supported myself as a writer for 12 months and had not one penny taken out for taxes. So I'm screwed. But I look at it like this. 1. It's a small price to pay for the life I'm living. AND 2. Maybe some of my tax dollars will go to things I support. Things like public schools, homeless shelters, fixing potholes, etc. But no. This year my hard-earned dough is going to Congressional hearings on whether or not a bunch of overpaid jocks took performance-enhancing drugs. Shit, I LIKE sports. But I really don't care what these guys are doing off the field. And neither should anyone else. You want a role model? Look to teachers, firefighters, artists, good parents. Athletes are entertainers. I've never heard of anyone looking to rock stars for advice on morality. That's why being a musician would be much more fun than being a pro athlete. Sports has this phony pretense of family values and wholesome goodness. That's a bunch of bullshit. These are millionaire men who play kids games for a living. They've never had to grow up, never had to face reality. So Clemens or Jose Canseco or Mark McGwire or whoever takes HGH. Were they fun to watch on the field? Hell yeah. Considering how much a ticket to a baseball game costs, I'd prefer if all these guys were juicing. Baseball is by far the most boring game on the planet. More shots to the outfield only makes things more interesting. Which I guess is why a pitcher taking 'roids is a bummer. No -hitters are great to watch on SportsCenter, but a bummer to see in person. I want some action. Striking 15 guys out isn't my idea of a good time. And this is what our representatives deem important? How awesome would it be if our world was so perfect, so safe, that our biggest concern was finding out which baseball players are on steroids? That's a world I want to live in, not the one with unnecessary wars in foreign lands where people have been killing each other for years yet my country lies and says things are going well. A world where the best city in this country, New Orleans, is ravaged by a horrific natural disaster and still hasn't recovered nearly three years after the fact. A world where, in the year 2008 (actually 2006 but you get my point), white teenagers hang nooses in Louisiana to scare off black teenagers. A world where homeless people are pushed out onto the streets of Long Beach and every street in every town in every state because they have no place to go or don't have the mental capacity to fend for themselves. A world where dog fighting and cock fighting and killing bulls in a public arena still exists. A world where I can't get health insurance because asthma is a pre-existing condition. A world where a religious nutjob like Mike Huckabee has an outside chance of becoming if not the president, a presidential candidate. Things are fucked. Yet the United States government wants to know what athletes do in the locker room before gametime. Times like these make me wish I was a cat. They just sleep, eat, shit and piss all day. Wouldn't that be nice?

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